I haven’t blogged in a while. There is so much in this world that others are talking/blogging about (police shootings, politics, etc.) that I don’t believe anyone needs to hear my take on those issues. I’d rather talk about things that are more personal. They're the topics that touch my heart and life directly; subjects to which others may relate.
Physical beauty is something that most women struggle with. It’s not necessarily a battle with age, but an age-old battle. This battle we fight is within ourselves. I’m glad that there is “someone for everyone” because not all of us fall within society’s definition of “beauty.” Some of the most beautiful people I know are not blessed with “society-attractive” features.
So what if you are one that others find attractive? I guess, to some degree, I fall within that category. Most women do, and that’s why I consider myself average. No modeling agency is pounding down my door, but people don’t cringe when they see me. That’s my definition of average looking. Most of us fall in the middle. Thanks to make-up techniques and fashions designed to camouflage the body’s flaws, it is not uncommon for women be approached by unknown men who believe that they like what they see. And they probably do. I’m told that “men are visual” and that’s, I believe, is where my struggle lies.
I struggle with what others view to be my visual beauty because I know what’s underneath my outfit. I, like so many women, have a body that tells its own life story. There are scars from multiples surgeries. There are stretch marks from carrying to term three beautiful children. There is flesh not toned (and never will be) from a large amount of weight loss. Despite its physical appearance, God has blessed me with a healthy body. And for that I'm most certainly grateful.
I fully comprehend, and agree, that true beauty emanates from within. I can grasp why most of my would-be suitors have approached me more in the last three years than ever have in my younger days. A male friend of mine once told me that what these men find most attractive about me is my “God-spirit” (developed most strongly in the last three years). The majority will never know what it is they're gravitating to. The joy I have inside is larger than the physical smile I give a person on the street. It’s what’s behind my pleasant disposition while standing in a long line at a store’s checkout, wearing shoes that hurt my feet. It’s the God-spirit that they want to know. It’s because of that I find solace knowing that few would have the ability to see past God's love emanating from me to what I know are my physical flaws.
It’s not that I don’t like me. As a matter of fact, I believe that God has molded me into a pretty cool person with an intelligence that surprises even me at times, along with a good sense of humor to tolerate the rest of the world. The inner me is comfortable with who I am.
So now, I’ve come to the determination that it’s up to me to get beyond what I see in the mirror. The fact is my body has a past. I can’t change the past. My body is its own testimony of my life experiences. My body will tell the stories of its existence despite any plastic surgery I could undergo in an attempt to help it develop amnesia. By accepting this, I am able to find ways that will work for me in helping me to feel beautiful on the inside about what I know is the reality of my outside. I have to see myself as beautiful. I have to like me.
This is a personal battle for so many women. No matter how many times someone tells her she’s beautiful, she simply can’t believe it. The only person that may help her with these insecurities is the one who has been given the “privilege” of seeing her at her best and her worst every day; and views her as beautiful through it all. Be patient with her. It will take her time to fight this inner battle that she must own as being all her own regardless of your efforts. She still must take personal steps that she believes necessary to help her feel it for herself.
Men, if you see her as beautiful continue to let her know it, eventually she may believe it too. It’s support for her while she fights this fight. Support and reassurance is all one can offer to another person while they come to grips with whatever it is they must resolve between themselves and God. What you are helping her do is believe in something that she can’t see...yet. Don’t give up on her. Love her through it. With love and perseverance, she too will become a believer.
Special note to women: Contact me and I will be glad to share with you privately the steps I've been taking to help me fight this personal battle and feel the beauty for myself that I'm told I have.
The lyrics of the song below speak to the woman who can relate to my words.