My blogs are of lessons I’ve learned. The most difficult, of my entire life, has been the crash course in self-lying, forgiveness, love, hurt, and prayer focus. This has been a progression of lessons. Until I properly understood one, I couldn’t grasp the next, and therefore move forward (Read “Big Fat Liar,” “No Apology Required,” “Make Love Your Emotion,” and “Who Do I Think I am?”). Now, to this epiphany.
I caused a great hurt to someone I love. I would never do it intentionally, but it was the result of my actions and/or non-actions in a situation. The lyrics to the old song, “You always hurt the one you love; the one you’d never hurt at all,” could not be truer regarding the topic. My loved one’s reaction to the hurt I caused ended up hurting me deeply. It was during this that I discovered how much I truly loved this person, and all that they mean to me.
Every day I would be forced to hand this heartache to God, over and over, so that my mind could get me through my daily life. I shed many tears and prayed that God would intervene. I prayed that He would heal the situation. I prayed that God would speak to my loved one. I even had the audacity to suggest to God ways He could reach my loved one’s heart and mind. I prayed that my heartache be healed.
Now, here’s what I failed to understand: I never realized that the other person loves me as much as I love them. Because of the depth of their love for me, the hurt I caused is a daily battle for them as well. This revelation helped me see that my prayers have been backwards. I caused the hurt. I hurt someone that I would never want to see wounded in any way. Yet here I am, praying for my hurting heart to be healed, when what I should’ve been doing is praying for their heart to be healed first. After all, it was the heart hurt first.
Upon true self-examination, and acceptance of my role in this situation, I discovered that the only way for me to find joy is to know that the one I love is healed of their hurt. Because my love for them is deep, it’s their heart’s repair that will ultimately heal mine. It’s not until then that we will both find joy in what we once found joyful together. It’s then that we can grow and be stronger than either of us ever imagined possible.
I share this because I know that I can’t be the only person who has prayed for their own heartache, and their own preferred outcome of a situation, over the heartache of someone they love. I can tell you that there’s a peace in exchanging one’s prayer focus from self to another.
Thank you, Heavenly Father, for this lesson. I pray that my education in hurt will help the hearts of others who are hurting. ~ Amen.